May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
