my sisters under your porch take her home
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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