We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
