Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
