Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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