Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
