you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
