I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
