So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
