nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
