I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
