My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
