New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
