I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Randomize
