so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
