If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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