Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
