from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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