i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
