I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
