do herpes really smell.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
