Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
