happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I believe in your delicious
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
