She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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