remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
