Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
