i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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