dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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