where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
