rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
