it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
