I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
