party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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