so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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