Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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