I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
