just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
