Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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