Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
