he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you win again, gameday.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
