He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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