Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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