if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
