I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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