Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
