i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
