The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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