Umm I'm too high to move.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
