I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
