cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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