there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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